Relationship & Dating Advice

Too needy or just excited?

"I need to know how to handle the women that start planning further dates when our first date isn't even over yet. I usually sense a form of neediness, and I am not attracted to that. I usually end the first date with a polite 'I will call you' and then I never do, even though I do still have somewhat of an attraction for her. Can you understand this?"

Dr. Debbie, Licensed Psychologist, says:

Trying to find the right balance between pursuing a potential date while still moving at a comfortable pace can be tricky. There are people who feel that they need their space and need to move slowly, and there are people who want to get the ball rolling and start a relationship more quickly.

It is understandable that you might feel a little hesitant when a woman is talking about getting together again before you have even finished your first date, especially if you don't feel a connection. However, if you feel attracted to her, don't let early questions about a second date totally turn you off.

There are many reasons why someone may inquire so quickly about a second date. Although the "neediness" that you sense from the other person may in fact be accurate, it is also possible that what you are picking up on is just nervousness or even excitement. If you feel an attraction but you decide not to call or go out again because you fear she may be "too needy", you may be walking away prematurely.

Assuming you would probably like to go out again, there is nothing wrong with saying "I'll call you" when you are uncomfortable or feel pressured to set the next date. This helps to give you a chance to get some distance so you don't feel so overwhelmed. Then hold true to your words and give it a second chance. If you then find that this sense of neediness continues, be upfront and tell the person that you are interested but need to take things slowly.

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