Relationship & Dating Advice

Getting over long-term relationships

The first thing to do is to rearrange the look of your environment, so your physical surroundings seem fresh. This is especially true after a marriage or live-in relationship. A completely new apartment is ideal, but rearranging the old one sometimes has to do. Redesign your place, take down old photos, take down things you may have bought together. If there are things that specifically remind you of your ex, remove them, put them in a box or, if you can, throw them out.

After you have rearranged your physical environment, you need to get involved in an activity all your own; something in which your ex has demonstrated no particular interest. Taking a class, joining a gym or an organization are great ideas. Do something new, just for you, something that can take you way from the painful thoughts of the past.

Keeping active socially is great, if you can do it. Go out with friends as much as possible, go out to a movie by yourself. Anything that can get you away from your thoughts of your ex, even if it is just temporary relief. Over time, these activities and distractions will give you the distance you need.

Stay away from pop music. Sounds silly, but most songs are about failed love or some existing passion and while at times they can make you feel less alone, most songs will just get you thinking about your past. For the time being switch to classical music or jazz, maybe even talk radio.

Give it some time. Unfortunately, it does often take some time to move on. You will have your ups and downs, but you will be able to move on eventually. You need to force yourself not to dwell on the past. This is easier said than done, but every minute you spend dwelling on the past is actually wasted. It is O.K. to feel blue and think about the past for a bit, but you need to limit this by forcing yourself to stop. Get out and do something, anything.

Finally, remember thinking about the past is good for three things: Getting in touch with your emotions, bringing back some positive memories and most important, being able to learn from these experiences. You can only move forward, not back, so get going!


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